Talking about puberty

🕰️When and how to start

Puberty usually begins between ages 8 and 13 in girls and between 9 and 14 in boys. Telling children before the changes come keeps them from being startled or worrying alone. Start in the early school years by calling body parts by their correct names and answering questions at their level.

You don't have to explain everything at once. Use the news, a TV show or a question your child brings as a chance for a short talk, and end with "Good question; ask me any time you're curious" to keep the door open.

🧍Explaining body changes accurately

• Girls: Breast budding is usually the first sign, followed by pubic hair and a growth spurt. The first period usually comes about 2 to 3 years after breast development begins. Irregular cycles are common for the first year or two.
• Preparing for periods: Teach how to use period products and what to do if a period starts at school (going to the school nurse, carrying spares).
• Boys: Enlargement of the testicles is usually the first sign, followed by pubic and underarm hair, a changing voice and a growth spurt. Explain that wet dreams during sleep and morning erections are normal.
• Everyone: Acne, sweat and body odor increase, so build hygiene habits together, like washing daily and changing underwear.
• Timing and pace vary widely. If your child worries about being earlier or later than friends, tell them everyone has their own timing.
• Teach both boys and girls about changes in both sexes. Knowing about each other's changes helps children respect rather than tease.

💭Emotional changes and respectful conversation

Mood swings, irritability, wanting to be alone and friends becoming more important than parents are a natural part of puberty. It is part of becoming independent, not a rejection of you.

• Respect privacy: knock on the door, and don't secretly read diaries or phones. When you are worried about safety, say why before you check, rather than doing it behind their back.
• Don't tease or comment on looks, weight or acne, even as a family joke.
• Listen to the end instead of interrupting with a lecture. Conversations open more easily side by side, in the car, on a walk or doing dishes.
• Set rules (curfew, phone use) together, explaining the reasons and hearing your child's view. Keep the rules you agree on consistently.

🤝Consent and boundaries

From an early age, teach in everyday life that their body belongs to them, that anyone must stop when they say no, and that they must respect other people's no as well. Not making them hug or kiss relatives against their will is part of that practice.

Teach that if someone touches their body or asks for photos and says to keep it secret, it is not a secret to keep but something they must tell an adult. This is true even if it is someone they know.

🔒Digital sex crimes and privacy

• Don't send face or body photos or personal details like school or address to people met on social media, games or chat. Explain grooming: someone builds closeness with praise and gifts, then asks for photos.
• Promise again and again that if someone asks for photos or threatens them with photos they sent, it is never their fault, they won't be in trouble, and they can tell you right away.
• Don't give in to threats by sending money or more photos. Screenshot the conversations and account details as evidence, then report to the police (112 in Korea). In Korea, the Digital Sex Crime Victim Support Center run by the Women's Human Rights Institute of Korea offers counseling and help removing images.
• Make clear that taking or sharing a friend's photo without consent, or editing it into fake images, can also be a crime.
• Keep accounts private, turn off location sharing, and don't share passwords even with friends.

📞Where to get help

• Youth counseling in Korea: 1388 (youth counseling line), which also offers text and online counseling.
• If your child talks about wanting to die or has signs of self-harm: in Korea, the suicide prevention line 109. If there is immediate danger, 119 or 112.
• Sexual crime or threats: report to 112 and contact the Digital Sex Crime Victim Support Center.
• Body changes that seem too early or too late: a pediatrician (pediatric endocrinology).
• At school, children can also talk with the school nurse or school counselor (the Wee Class counseling room in Korea).

💬FAQ